I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
