so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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