i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I believe in your delicious
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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