WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
