Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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