Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Welp...herpes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
