I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
