Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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