My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
