Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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