I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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