you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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