Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
