Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
