When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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