Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
