i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
