Please, let me fuck your mom
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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