You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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