I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
