It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
