If that was your dad, he is hot
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
