is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
