So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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