she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
