Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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