Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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