Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
