A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
