Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
