i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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