well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
