Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She needs sedatives and a leash
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
