all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
