i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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