Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize