He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize