my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
