I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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