A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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