sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
