I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
