last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
