This girl is more easily done than said...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
