Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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