I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
