? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
