We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
