im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
