i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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