Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
