I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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