dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
