I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
