i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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