i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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