dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
