with your own penis?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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