good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
