I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize