Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
