hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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