i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
