just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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