she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
