I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
