my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sext me about skeletons
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
