To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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