Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
